"Our frustration is greater when we have much and want more than when we have nothing and want less. We are less dissatisfied when we lack many things than when we seem to lack but one thing."-Eric Hoffer
It seems like my bad days seem to come in the middle of the weeks!! Maybe we should just have Sun-Mon and Thurs-Sat...and cut out Tues and Wed??
Parker got circumcised yesterday so we knew that the poor kid would have a few rough days ahead of him, but I guess I wasn't prepared for the back slide we would take. When I got here this morning the nurses smiled and said "Parker is having a rough morning..." so of course I can hear him outside of our room...as I walk in he is finally starting to settle down and our nurse tells me that the Dr ordered him a dose of tylenol...thank goodness! It didn't last long though...by the 9am feeding he was wound up again and struggled taking his bottle. Again at the 12 feeding, he didn't take all of his food-this is so dumbfounding because this is the little man that usually takes 2oz in less than 20 mins and when you take the bottle away from him to burp him he screams at you! By the time our 30 mins were up for the bottle, Parker had filled his pants and spit up all over me, and sister was past hungry! I changed him, swaddled him up and still he couldn't calm down so the nurse came in to help calm him down and he decided to spit up on her, his bedding and the chair! Thank you Sir Parker.
I had finally made my way to Payge, changed her, got her temp etc and was ready to feed her. The speech therapist had been working with her and told us a different way to feed her...so I tried this "new way" and what did my precious peanut do??? She has not one but TWO Brady's!!! And then she spit up all over me...luckily it was the same arm that brother had spit up on so only one side of my jacket is ruined with acidic spit up! (Highlight of the day I suppose...) After I clean up sisters spit up and try to feed her the rest of her bottle...she falls asleep!! Really???? So, there goes her chance of coming off the feeding tube anytime soon!
So, apparently the NICU rollercoaster has moved upstairs to the 7th floor with us....So what do we do?? Besides grabbing a bottle of wine and banging my head against the window (which does have a pretty view of Swan Lake) I just jump in and hang on. In the back of my mind and in my heart, I know it could be worse...I am truly blessed...but by golly I am ready to go home with my babies!!! So...here is my scream of frustration.. UUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
*Sigh* so much better.
Psalms 34:18-"The Lord is near the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in Spirit"
So God, thank you for being with me even when my spirit is down...thank you for renewing my spirit with your light and helping me "hang on."
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