1Peter 4:80 "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins"
During this journey with the babies, a lot of things have opened our eyes, but what we are most thankful for is true friendships. People who have shown us their true colors and gone above and beyond the call of friendship. Sometime you can call someone a "friend" but when a bump in the road occurs, they are too busy for you to call upon.
"A little consideration, a little thought for others, makes all the difference."-Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh
As you know, we are struggling to get Parker home right now. He is having several Brady episodes still, and now he is starting to Desat with them (where his oxygen level drops). After failing 2 car seat tests, we were devestated. We heard many words of encouragment, as well as many peoples opinons. Yes, we know "he is where he is supposed to be" but would you want to hear that if you son has been in the intensive care unit for 6 weeks?? Would you wanna hear "oh well, he's not ready?" No. I don't believe you would. We know he's not ready. But that doesn't mean as parents that we are not ready to take him home and begin our life, together, as a family.
True Colors. True Friends. They are the ones that text you a sad face when Parker doesn't pass his test. They are the ones that make sure your dogs are taken care of and your mail is placed on the kitchen table. They are the ones that call you in tears because they know you are struggling with the devil. True friends take care of your yard just because they know you wouldn't want it to look like that. True friends are the ones that pick up your formula for you-even when they have their own stuff to do. They are the ones that email you, text you or call you just to say that they are praying for you. They are the ones that leave homemade "Happy Mother's Day" cards on your front door. True friends buy you gifts, make you things, and pick up your house and expect NOTHING--yes I said NOTHING in return...even when you try to offer to pay them.
Well, Chris and I are truly blessed with TRUE FRIENDS who truly have shown their TRUE COLORS to us during this rocky roller coaster ride. When the furthest thing on my mind needs to be done, someone does it. When we are in a bind financially, we are helped. When I am frustrated to the point of no return, they call. Not everyone you call a "friend" can really live up to that name. Calling someone a "friend" is like telling someone you "love" them. It can not be used lightly.
Well, "FRIENDS", thank you. Thank you more than I can write, text, tell you. Thank you for praying. Thank you for loving. Thank you for doing. I am not sure we could have made it this far without all your love and support. As a mother, the hardest thing I have had to done is leave one child behind to care for another. And my "friends" have been there to help me get through that, to help me stay true to my faith.
Parker is not ready to go home yet, and we know that it is all in God's timing, but as humans we forget that our timeline and God's timeline RARELY match up. We appreciate the prayers, gifts and services that you have done for us. We love you...and God truly has blessed us.
God thank you for placing us in a community that has greeted us with open arms and wonderful people with "true colors." Thank you God for giving us the faith we need to make it through this time. Yes God, we know that Parker is not ready to go home, even though we are beyond ready, but God we just ask you place your hands on our little boy and help him heal and grow so that in YOUR time God we can go HOME!!
"A friend is one who strenghtens you with prayers, blesses you with love and encourages you with hope."
TT-ILY!
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
One down one to go
So here we are, 6 weeks into our journey of having premature babies and we have one baby (Lil Miss Payge) released from the hospital and one (Sir Parker) still having problems with his low heart rate. Luckily, Chris took off work this week and has been able to help me with Payge. We alternate staying with Parker at the hospital and going to my mom and dad's with Payge. Either way, there is no sleep involved. :)
Parker redid his car seat test yesterday and we called out to all our prayer warriors--but he didn't pass. He had 24 minutes remaining and he had a Brady (low heart rate). Bless his little heart he did so good. We are past the point of frustration by now. Not with anyone, but the situation. Parker has had 54 Brady's in 9 days...which is way too many. His formula and meds have been changed back and forth and nothing is helping the reflux-which is causing the Brady's. It seems like we are stuck on a hamster wheel spinning around and around and getting nowhere.
This afternoon we have a consult with our primary neonatalist (or however you spell it) and we are going to discuss what we can do to help the heart rate stay up. What meds, formulas, actions we can take to help my baby boy get better and pass this stinking car seat test.
What is a car seat test you may ask? Well since we live out of the Tulsa area, the babies have to sit in their car seat for 2 hours and not have any Bradys (where their heart rate drops below 80), no Desats (where their pulse ox drops below 89) and no sleep apneas. Seems like a lot to ask from a little 7lb 1oz little boy who just wants to go home with his sissy. :(
Last night I finally hit my breaking point and cried. I think I even told one of the nurses that this placed sucked!! I didn't mean it like that....I just meant that this situation stinks because we are so ready to go home..ALL 4 of US!!
An associate pastor from our Home Church came up this morning to pray with Parker and I...and I told her that even though I have faith and believe in Jesus...that this is starting to wear on me. I told her I felt bad that I was getting frustrated. As tears filled her eyes and she prayed with me, it hit me that once again I am trying to control things. I am trying to get Parker home on my time because I want to go to my mom's retirement party, or graduation, or because summer basketball is starting soon...but what is most important is that God heals Parker. And He will. In HIS time. And me, being the human that I am...am having a hard time dealing with His time.
So, as we wait a few more days for yet another car seat test (maybe the 3rd time will be a charm) and as exhaustion kicks in...I find myself praying even harder for my little boy and our family. Please God, help Parker with his Brady's and be with Chris and I as we take care of Peanut.
Parker redid his car seat test yesterday and we called out to all our prayer warriors--but he didn't pass. He had 24 minutes remaining and he had a Brady (low heart rate). Bless his little heart he did so good. We are past the point of frustration by now. Not with anyone, but the situation. Parker has had 54 Brady's in 9 days...which is way too many. His formula and meds have been changed back and forth and nothing is helping the reflux-which is causing the Brady's. It seems like we are stuck on a hamster wheel spinning around and around and getting nowhere.
This afternoon we have a consult with our primary neonatalist (or however you spell it) and we are going to discuss what we can do to help the heart rate stay up. What meds, formulas, actions we can take to help my baby boy get better and pass this stinking car seat test.
What is a car seat test you may ask? Well since we live out of the Tulsa area, the babies have to sit in their car seat for 2 hours and not have any Bradys (where their heart rate drops below 80), no Desats (where their pulse ox drops below 89) and no sleep apneas. Seems like a lot to ask from a little 7lb 1oz little boy who just wants to go home with his sissy. :(
Last night I finally hit my breaking point and cried. I think I even told one of the nurses that this placed sucked!! I didn't mean it like that....I just meant that this situation stinks because we are so ready to go home..ALL 4 of US!!
An associate pastor from our Home Church came up this morning to pray with Parker and I...and I told her that even though I have faith and believe in Jesus...that this is starting to wear on me. I told her I felt bad that I was getting frustrated. As tears filled her eyes and she prayed with me, it hit me that once again I am trying to control things. I am trying to get Parker home on my time because I want to go to my mom's retirement party, or graduation, or because summer basketball is starting soon...but what is most important is that God heals Parker. And He will. In HIS time. And me, being the human that I am...am having a hard time dealing with His time.
So, as we wait a few more days for yet another car seat test (maybe the 3rd time will be a charm) and as exhaustion kicks in...I find myself praying even harder for my little boy and our family. Please God, help Parker with his Brady's and be with Chris and I as we take care of Peanut.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Unanswered Prayers..
"Some of God's greatest gifts, are unanswered prayers..."
Yesterday Parker did his car seat test and we prayed and prayed and prayed that he would pass it...and with around 22 minutes left, he had a Brady-where his heart rate drops below 80-and so he automatically failed. I was crushed, devestated, and saddened but then it hit me, I had prayed my little heart out and I truly felt that God was with us, so I knew that there was a reason that God didn't answer my prayers...Parker and God aren't ready to go home yet. Its not about when I am ready for him to go home...Its about when God is ready for us to all go home. Am I still sad...yes. Does it still hurt to have only one child at "home" with me...very much so. But is Parker where he needs to be until he overcomes the Brady's? Most definately. Thank you God for an unanswered prayer.
Another unanswered prayer we have lived is when we had Conner. Conner was our angel baby. He gave Chris and I the chance to prove that we could be parents. He gave us room in our heart to love another person. We prayed and prayed and prayed for Conner to be a part of our family...but that is not what God had in store for us. If things would have gone through with us and Conner...then we wouldn't have the Nuggets-and I TRULY believe that. Do we still ache over Conner....yes. Do I still believe he would have made a hell of a big brother...most definately. Do I still love him...very much so. But once again....thank you God for an unanswered prayer.
The power of prayer is very strong. If you do not know Christ or do not have a faith...look at Chris and I. Not saying that we are the most amazing examples to follow...but the power of prayer truly has blessed us in countless ways. There is NO way I could have gone through what I have over the years without God by my side, His love in my heart and faith to guide me. Prayer can be frustrating because sometimes we forget that just because we may not get the answer we want doesn't mean that God doesn't care or hear us. His answers are what matter. The "unanswered prayers" can often be confused as God not listening...but we all have to realize that once we turn it over to God...it is in HIS time and in HIS hands and HIS will WILL be done.
Thank you God for my "unanswered prayers." Thank you for helping fill my saddened heart with your love and your light. Thank you for giving us dr's that can help Parker grow and overcome these bradicardic episodes.
"Sometimes God's greates gifts, are unanswered prayers..."
Yesterday Parker did his car seat test and we prayed and prayed and prayed that he would pass it...and with around 22 minutes left, he had a Brady-where his heart rate drops below 80-and so he automatically failed. I was crushed, devestated, and saddened but then it hit me, I had prayed my little heart out and I truly felt that God was with us, so I knew that there was a reason that God didn't answer my prayers...Parker and God aren't ready to go home yet. Its not about when I am ready for him to go home...Its about when God is ready for us to all go home. Am I still sad...yes. Does it still hurt to have only one child at "home" with me...very much so. But is Parker where he needs to be until he overcomes the Brady's? Most definately. Thank you God for an unanswered prayer.
Another unanswered prayer we have lived is when we had Conner. Conner was our angel baby. He gave Chris and I the chance to prove that we could be parents. He gave us room in our heart to love another person. We prayed and prayed and prayed for Conner to be a part of our family...but that is not what God had in store for us. If things would have gone through with us and Conner...then we wouldn't have the Nuggets-and I TRULY believe that. Do we still ache over Conner....yes. Do I still believe he would have made a hell of a big brother...most definately. Do I still love him...very much so. But once again....thank you God for an unanswered prayer.
The power of prayer is very strong. If you do not know Christ or do not have a faith...look at Chris and I. Not saying that we are the most amazing examples to follow...but the power of prayer truly has blessed us in countless ways. There is NO way I could have gone through what I have over the years without God by my side, His love in my heart and faith to guide me. Prayer can be frustrating because sometimes we forget that just because we may not get the answer we want doesn't mean that God doesn't care or hear us. His answers are what matter. The "unanswered prayers" can often be confused as God not listening...but we all have to realize that once we turn it over to God...it is in HIS time and in HIS hands and HIS will WILL be done.
Thank you God for my "unanswered prayers." Thank you for helping fill my saddened heart with your love and your light. Thank you for giving us dr's that can help Parker grow and overcome these bradicardic episodes.
"Sometimes God's greates gifts, are unanswered prayers..."
Friday, May 6, 2011
Scattered Thoughts...
As I sit here trying to think of a catchy title or a scripture to bounce off my head....nothing comes to mind. For once in my life, I, Amanda Ott Henderson, am at a loss for words. Well, I wouldn't technically say loss...I would say more like too scattered for words.
This morning Chris and I had decided that he would come up to the hospital with the babies so that I could go work on some Pre K stuff at my mom's office while she did some testing. Needless to say, this being my first day away from the babies in the morning, my mind started off scattered. I eventually ran out of things to do at my mom's office and made a dash to Wal Mart to pick up some things I needed for the babies and graduation gifts. On the way there I get a random text from Chris saying "They are going to do the babies sleep studies." I think to myself "they dont do sleep studies until they pass their carseat tests..." so automatically I call Chris and ask whats going on. He tells me that Dr Miranda came in and was surprised at how well the babies were doing and decided to take Parker off of his caffeine so he can do his car seat test Sunday (you have to be off the meds for 48 hrs) and to do Payge's carseat test today!!! I sped-legally-back to Inola to get my mom and we flew-yes her Honda Accord actually grew wings-to the hospital. They had already started her test and it was supposed to last 2 hrs....well I was a nervous wreck for that time and Chris finally told me I was stressing him out so I stepped outside to the waiting room with my mom....
Well, Payge PASSED her car seat test!! We made her appointment with her Dr, went over her stretches with the OT, learned how to pack-yes pack her with a trillion blankets-her into her car seat and now she is currently taking her sleep test. If things go well, she will be discharged tomorrow.....this is where more scattered thoughts kick in......
What do we do? This was always a fear of ours-having twins in intensive care-that one would get discharged before the other one, but we just always assumed that it would be Parker--but Peanut proved us wrong. After going over formula perscriptions, how to add calories to the formula and other paper work....we asked ourselves "what are we going to do??" So we call the nurse in and ask her the million dollar question "if Payge is released, can she come back up with us when we come see Parker??" Well luckily we have an AMAZING nurse who calls her supervisor who okay's it for us to bring her back up here!!
Now as I sit here and listen to Payge cry-and since she is doing the sleep study we cannot touch or hold her- my thoughts are joyous...but still scattered. The light in the tunnel seems so close. The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow seems so big. The hilly journey we have been on for 5 weeks seems to finally have smoothed out....but wait!! Reality kicks in. We now have to be parents 24 hours!! We are used to being 10-12hr parents. Now we have to wake up in the middle of the night to feed them, change them and take care of them when they cry. Man....more scattered thoughts!!
So, scattered thoughts fill my mind, joyous thoughts fill my mind and endless love fills my heart....
Please continue to pray for the Nuggets and Chris and I as we move our journey, or at least part of it, outside the walls of the PICU
This morning Chris and I had decided that he would come up to the hospital with the babies so that I could go work on some Pre K stuff at my mom's office while she did some testing. Needless to say, this being my first day away from the babies in the morning, my mind started off scattered. I eventually ran out of things to do at my mom's office and made a dash to Wal Mart to pick up some things I needed for the babies and graduation gifts. On the way there I get a random text from Chris saying "They are going to do the babies sleep studies." I think to myself "they dont do sleep studies until they pass their carseat tests..." so automatically I call Chris and ask whats going on. He tells me that Dr Miranda came in and was surprised at how well the babies were doing and decided to take Parker off of his caffeine so he can do his car seat test Sunday (you have to be off the meds for 48 hrs) and to do Payge's carseat test today!!! I sped-legally-back to Inola to get my mom and we flew-yes her Honda Accord actually grew wings-to the hospital. They had already started her test and it was supposed to last 2 hrs....well I was a nervous wreck for that time and Chris finally told me I was stressing him out so I stepped outside to the waiting room with my mom....
Well, Payge PASSED her car seat test!! We made her appointment with her Dr, went over her stretches with the OT, learned how to pack-yes pack her with a trillion blankets-her into her car seat and now she is currently taking her sleep test. If things go well, she will be discharged tomorrow.....this is where more scattered thoughts kick in......
What do we do? This was always a fear of ours-having twins in intensive care-that one would get discharged before the other one, but we just always assumed that it would be Parker--but Peanut proved us wrong. After going over formula perscriptions, how to add calories to the formula and other paper work....we asked ourselves "what are we going to do??" So we call the nurse in and ask her the million dollar question "if Payge is released, can she come back up with us when we come see Parker??" Well luckily we have an AMAZING nurse who calls her supervisor who okay's it for us to bring her back up here!!
Now as I sit here and listen to Payge cry-and since she is doing the sleep study we cannot touch or hold her- my thoughts are joyous...but still scattered. The light in the tunnel seems so close. The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow seems so big. The hilly journey we have been on for 5 weeks seems to finally have smoothed out....but wait!! Reality kicks in. We now have to be parents 24 hours!! We are used to being 10-12hr parents. Now we have to wake up in the middle of the night to feed them, change them and take care of them when they cry. Man....more scattered thoughts!!
So, scattered thoughts fill my mind, joyous thoughts fill my mind and endless love fills my heart....
Please continue to pray for the Nuggets and Chris and I as we move our journey, or at least part of it, outside the walls of the PICU
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Jump in and hold on....
"Our frustration is greater when we have much and want more than when we have nothing and want less. We are less dissatisfied when we lack many things than when we seem to lack but one thing."-Eric Hoffer
It seems like my bad days seem to come in the middle of the weeks!! Maybe we should just have Sun-Mon and Thurs-Sat...and cut out Tues and Wed??
Parker got circumcised yesterday so we knew that the poor kid would have a few rough days ahead of him, but I guess I wasn't prepared for the back slide we would take. When I got here this morning the nurses smiled and said "Parker is having a rough morning..." so of course I can hear him outside of our room...as I walk in he is finally starting to settle down and our nurse tells me that the Dr ordered him a dose of tylenol...thank goodness! It didn't last long though...by the 9am feeding he was wound up again and struggled taking his bottle. Again at the 12 feeding, he didn't take all of his food-this is so dumbfounding because this is the little man that usually takes 2oz in less than 20 mins and when you take the bottle away from him to burp him he screams at you! By the time our 30 mins were up for the bottle, Parker had filled his pants and spit up all over me, and sister was past hungry! I changed him, swaddled him up and still he couldn't calm down so the nurse came in to help calm him down and he decided to spit up on her, his bedding and the chair! Thank you Sir Parker.
I had finally made my way to Payge, changed her, got her temp etc and was ready to feed her. The speech therapist had been working with her and told us a different way to feed her...so I tried this "new way" and what did my precious peanut do??? She has not one but TWO Brady's!!! And then she spit up all over me...luckily it was the same arm that brother had spit up on so only one side of my jacket is ruined with acidic spit up! (Highlight of the day I suppose...) After I clean up sisters spit up and try to feed her the rest of her bottle...she falls asleep!! Really???? So, there goes her chance of coming off the feeding tube anytime soon!
So, apparently the NICU rollercoaster has moved upstairs to the 7th floor with us....So what do we do?? Besides grabbing a bottle of wine and banging my head against the window (which does have a pretty view of Swan Lake) I just jump in and hang on. In the back of my mind and in my heart, I know it could be worse...I am truly blessed...but by golly I am ready to go home with my babies!!! So...here is my scream of frustration.. UUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
*Sigh* so much better.
Psalms 34:18-"The Lord is near the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in Spirit"
So God, thank you for being with me even when my spirit is down...thank you for renewing my spirit with your light and helping me "hang on."
It seems like my bad days seem to come in the middle of the weeks!! Maybe we should just have Sun-Mon and Thurs-Sat...and cut out Tues and Wed??
Parker got circumcised yesterday so we knew that the poor kid would have a few rough days ahead of him, but I guess I wasn't prepared for the back slide we would take. When I got here this morning the nurses smiled and said "Parker is having a rough morning..." so of course I can hear him outside of our room...as I walk in he is finally starting to settle down and our nurse tells me that the Dr ordered him a dose of tylenol...thank goodness! It didn't last long though...by the 9am feeding he was wound up again and struggled taking his bottle. Again at the 12 feeding, he didn't take all of his food-this is so dumbfounding because this is the little man that usually takes 2oz in less than 20 mins and when you take the bottle away from him to burp him he screams at you! By the time our 30 mins were up for the bottle, Parker had filled his pants and spit up all over me, and sister was past hungry! I changed him, swaddled him up and still he couldn't calm down so the nurse came in to help calm him down and he decided to spit up on her, his bedding and the chair! Thank you Sir Parker.
I had finally made my way to Payge, changed her, got her temp etc and was ready to feed her. The speech therapist had been working with her and told us a different way to feed her...so I tried this "new way" and what did my precious peanut do??? She has not one but TWO Brady's!!! And then she spit up all over me...luckily it was the same arm that brother had spit up on so only one side of my jacket is ruined with acidic spit up! (Highlight of the day I suppose...) After I clean up sisters spit up and try to feed her the rest of her bottle...she falls asleep!! Really???? So, there goes her chance of coming off the feeding tube anytime soon!
So, apparently the NICU rollercoaster has moved upstairs to the 7th floor with us....So what do we do?? Besides grabbing a bottle of wine and banging my head against the window (which does have a pretty view of Swan Lake) I just jump in and hang on. In the back of my mind and in my heart, I know it could be worse...I am truly blessed...but by golly I am ready to go home with my babies!!! So...here is my scream of frustration.. UUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
*Sigh* so much better.
Psalms 34:18-"The Lord is near the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in Spirit"
So God, thank you for being with me even when my spirit is down...thank you for renewing my spirit with your light and helping me "hang on."
Monday, May 2, 2011
Strength
Superman got his from Kryptonite.
Athletes get theirs from Gatorade.
The rainbow gets it from the rain.
Inner, emotional, physical, mental, etc....where do you get your strength?
1Peter 5:7- "cast all your worries on Him because He cares for you..."
Where do you find your strength? What helps you during your "journey?"
Beginning week 5, and we are no longer in the NICU, but in the PICU. Yes, that gives me strength knowing that my babies were stable enough to be moved upstairs. But this "journey" sure has been a hilly one. Ups and downs, tears and smiles, milestones and setbacks...but somehow I have found the "strength" that I need to survive this journey.
Through friends text and facebook messages, to pastor's prayers and emails, by giftcards for gas and meals, and for all the many thoughts and prayers---strength has been found. And even though great friends, family and loved ones have been there, the strongest power that has filled me, my inner strength, has come from God. God has been here with me during this journey. He has helped me realize that His timeline is greater than mine, His power is stronger than mine, His hand is at work in everything and He has one very powerful and strong hand...
Where would I be without God? Where would I find my strength? How could I sleep at night knowing that my babies were in intensive care if I didn't have the comfort of God fill me with peace and ease my mind knowing that even though I am not with them 24/7, He is.....
Psalms 46:1-"God is our refuge and strenghth, a VERY present help in trouble."
When this journey began, I felt guilty. That there was something else I could have done to keep these babies in my belly longer, or that I did something wrong in my pregnancy. After many tears and hours of prayer...I no longer feel that way. I feel that God has blessed me deeply with two very precious babies...and like their momma they were stubborn and wanted things on their time. God didn't curse me by giving me premature babies, He blessed me by helping me grow in my Faith, become more patient and reliant on Him, realize how important my marriage and relationship with Chris is, how lucky I am to have wonderful family and friends to reach out to us....I could be angry, sad and upset that my babies celebrated their 1 month birthday in a hospital...but instead I am happy, joyful and blessed that my babies celebrated their 1 month birthday!!
Psalms 138:3--"In the day that I called you, you answered me. You encouraged me with strength in my soul."
So, yes athletes may get their strength from gatorade, superman got his from kryptonite and the rainbow shines bright after a rainfall...but I find my strength in God, who gives me strength when Parker smiles, when Payge looks at me with her big bright eyes, when they both take their bottle, when the nurses' get excited when they talk about the twins, when I hold the precious miracles that God has blessed me with...I find strength.
Both babies are growing and getting so big. Payge is getting to nipple 15mL every 3 hours while Parker is still on full feeds! He is still having Brady's but they will be 38 weeks this Wednesday so hopefully he will start to grow out of them. Sister has not had spitups this weekend-they changed her formula-and is growing (5lbs 12 oz). Their original 40week due date was May 18th so hopefully we will be home around that date-give or take a week.
God-thank you for the strength you give me. Be with those who need strength on their journey and may not know you, or feel like they need you. Thank you for the wonderful blessings you have given me.
Athletes get theirs from Gatorade.
The rainbow gets it from the rain.
Inner, emotional, physical, mental, etc....where do you get your strength?
1Peter 5:7- "cast all your worries on Him because He cares for you..."
Where do you find your strength? What helps you during your "journey?"
Beginning week 5, and we are no longer in the NICU, but in the PICU. Yes, that gives me strength knowing that my babies were stable enough to be moved upstairs. But this "journey" sure has been a hilly one. Ups and downs, tears and smiles, milestones and setbacks...but somehow I have found the "strength" that I need to survive this journey.
Through friends text and facebook messages, to pastor's prayers and emails, by giftcards for gas and meals, and for all the many thoughts and prayers---strength has been found. And even though great friends, family and loved ones have been there, the strongest power that has filled me, my inner strength, has come from God. God has been here with me during this journey. He has helped me realize that His timeline is greater than mine, His power is stronger than mine, His hand is at work in everything and He has one very powerful and strong hand...
Where would I be without God? Where would I find my strength? How could I sleep at night knowing that my babies were in intensive care if I didn't have the comfort of God fill me with peace and ease my mind knowing that even though I am not with them 24/7, He is.....
Psalms 46:1-"God is our refuge and strenghth, a VERY present help in trouble."
When this journey began, I felt guilty. That there was something else I could have done to keep these babies in my belly longer, or that I did something wrong in my pregnancy. After many tears and hours of prayer...I no longer feel that way. I feel that God has blessed me deeply with two very precious babies...and like their momma they were stubborn and wanted things on their time. God didn't curse me by giving me premature babies, He blessed me by helping me grow in my Faith, become more patient and reliant on Him, realize how important my marriage and relationship with Chris is, how lucky I am to have wonderful family and friends to reach out to us....I could be angry, sad and upset that my babies celebrated their 1 month birthday in a hospital...but instead I am happy, joyful and blessed that my babies celebrated their 1 month birthday!!
Psalms 138:3--"In the day that I called you, you answered me. You encouraged me with strength in my soul."
So, yes athletes may get their strength from gatorade, superman got his from kryptonite and the rainbow shines bright after a rainfall...but I find my strength in God, who gives me strength when Parker smiles, when Payge looks at me with her big bright eyes, when they both take their bottle, when the nurses' get excited when they talk about the twins, when I hold the precious miracles that God has blessed me with...I find strength.
Both babies are growing and getting so big. Payge is getting to nipple 15mL every 3 hours while Parker is still on full feeds! He is still having Brady's but they will be 38 weeks this Wednesday so hopefully he will start to grow out of them. Sister has not had spitups this weekend-they changed her formula-and is growing (5lbs 12 oz). Their original 40week due date was May 18th so hopefully we will be home around that date-give or take a week.
God-thank you for the strength you give me. Be with those who need strength on their journey and may not know you, or feel like they need you. Thank you for the wonderful blessings you have given me.
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