There is a sign hanging in my parent's living room that reads, " My greatest blessings call me Mom." For the first 25+ years of my life, there is no way that the sign made sense or even crossed my mind, but after the first year...it speaks straight to my heart. Too often, in the midst of sleepless nights, dirty diapers and interupted meals, we forget that God blessed us, and made us MOMS.
Unfortunately, I know for a fact that I wasn't always a blessing to my mom, and I pray that God does not make me pay for my raising with Payge, because I'm not quite sure I could handle it or forgive as easily as my own precious mother did. But even though I was an unruly, rude and obnoxious teenager, my mom still loved, still guided, and still prayed for me. Now, as we enjoy our walks at the lake and QT Sweet lemon teas, I can't imagine what life would be like if she hadn't forgiven me, hadn't loved me and hadn't had faith that one day, I would be her sweet "blessing" again.
After reading a recent book by Karen Kingsbury, it hit me that too often we over look the simple pleasures, blessings, in life, and find a way to focus in on the bad. Life is not peaches and apple pie, sometimes it is sour grapes and spilled milk...but in every long, tireless night, stressful days and endless doctors appointments, to each is own a blessing.
Monday we visited OU Children's in OKC to do a check up with Parker's prosetic dr and his Ortho surgeon...(these trips are tiring, stressful and very demanding) after a quick snack in the lobby, we headed to appointment number 1, and of course the dr was running late....as we sat in the waiting room, a man missing a limb came in and keep a constant eye on my two, healthy babies, running around the waiting room. Appointment went great. Blessing. We made our way upstairs for appointment number 2, where we learned the Dr was running 30-45 minutes behind. Disastorious with 2 unruly "toddlers" contained to a packed waiting room. We were carrying around Parker's DOBBS braces when another mother asked if he had club foot. My mom visited with her and learned that her son had been diagnosed in the womb with Club Foot, and had just completed one of his several surgeries. Her son removed his shoes and showed us his scars, and his feet. He was 9. Humbled.
Blessings flow from above.And even though my babies prefer their Uncle DJ and Pop over me 82% of the time...they are my greatest blessings. I know the road ahead will be a curvy, bumpy one....but as I smile thru the tears, I know that God will help me survive, just like he helped my mom survive those 10 "wild" years of mine.
" My greatest blessings call me MOM"
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Sunday, April 1, 2012
1 year....
1 year...
12 months....
52 weeks....
365 days...
8765.8 hours....
525948.7 minutes....
31556926 seconds.....
What a whirlwind of a year it has been. It started on March 27, 2011 with me having someone drive me to the Dr. thinking I had the flu....5 days later, my sweet babies entered this world, 7 weeks early, at 4:23 and 4:24 pm weighing 4.14lbs and 4.1lbs.
The seconds that happened afterwards are a foggy blur to me...I do recall that one of the Dr.'s in the room was Dr. Butcher and I immediately asked for his first name....I remember Chris mentioning Parkers feet to me, but I didn't fully understand. I remember the Dr saying that it was 2 boys at first and I said, "What?!? It's supposed to be one of each!" and he laughed and said Baby B (Payge) was a little girl.
What I recall and what Chris recalls are completely different. I don't remember much after the babies were born, and Chris on the other hand got to cut their chords. Parkers cutting was rushed since he quit breathing on his own and had to be inubated.
Minutes later I remember meeting the Neonatilist (Dr. Miranda) who said that they were going to have to take the babies to NICU and I pushed Chris away and told him to go with them since I couldn't......
A few hours later I recall the nurse asking if I wanted visitors and I said that I didn't, but my mom and Miranda snuck back anyways....lol. I can still remember the shirt that Miranda had on and that she told everyone in the waiting room she was going to the bathroom. Man, I love my TT.
Almost a full day later, I got to see my sweet babies for the very first time. Since I had been on Oxygen due to a very low pulse/ox and had problems keeping my blood pressure down, I had not been able to see them yet. As Chris pushed me down the hall, I became full of so many emotions...joy, anxiety, nervousness and anticipation...I was about to meet my sweet babies for the very first time.
4 days later, my mom and I pulled away from the Hospital empty handed. There were no car seats or babies going home with me, and I struggled trying to realize it wasn't my fault. I cried, screamed and asked why all the way to my brother and sister in laws house where I would stay, since it was closer to the hospital. That night, I curled up and cried myself to sleep.
5 weeks later, my sweet Peanut decided to pull out her feeding tube and nipple all of her feeds, as well as pass her carseat test and sleep study test. She was ready to go home.
2 months after we had been in the hospital, Parker gave the carseat test a third go around and rocked it ! He was finally slowing down with his Brady's and increasing his feeds. He FINALLY was ready to leave, and we were going HOME as a FAMILY!
4th of July, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentines Day....
Surgeries, Ear infections, Illnesses....
A year.
365 days full of excitement, joy, tears, anxiety, stress, and pure happiness.
There have been times we didn't think we were going to make it financially, emotionally, spiritually, physically or remain sane. But we survived the Wild Ride of the 1st year with twins.
As we prepared for their Birthday Celebration, I fought back tears...my sweet miracle babies were growing up and it happend so fast. It didn't seem like 8760 hours...it seemed like 2 minutes.
Where did the time go and how did it happen so fast?
Parker got his first hair cut Friday night and within seconds he was transformed from a baby to a handsome little man. Payge is walking every which way and talking all the time (must take after her daddy LOL!!)
As the babies carried in palms today for Palm Sunday, emotions flooded me, and I felt God tug at my heart strings, without Him, my family and my awesome friends, I never would have survived these first 365 days or the many years leading up to us having a family. So sweet babies, you are more than blessings, you are miracles, lifesavers and my world.
Happy first 365 days! Here are many more seconds, minutes, hours, days, months and years to come! I love you!
12 months....
52 weeks....
365 days...
8765.8 hours....
525948.7 minutes....
31556926 seconds.....
What a whirlwind of a year it has been. It started on March 27, 2011 with me having someone drive me to the Dr. thinking I had the flu....5 days later, my sweet babies entered this world, 7 weeks early, at 4:23 and 4:24 pm weighing 4.14lbs and 4.1lbs.
The seconds that happened afterwards are a foggy blur to me...I do recall that one of the Dr.'s in the room was Dr. Butcher and I immediately asked for his first name....I remember Chris mentioning Parkers feet to me, but I didn't fully understand. I remember the Dr saying that it was 2 boys at first and I said, "What?!? It's supposed to be one of each!" and he laughed and said Baby B (Payge) was a little girl.
What I recall and what Chris recalls are completely different. I don't remember much after the babies were born, and Chris on the other hand got to cut their chords. Parkers cutting was rushed since he quit breathing on his own and had to be inubated.
Minutes later I remember meeting the Neonatilist (Dr. Miranda) who said that they were going to have to take the babies to NICU and I pushed Chris away and told him to go with them since I couldn't......
A few hours later I recall the nurse asking if I wanted visitors and I said that I didn't, but my mom and Miranda snuck back anyways....lol. I can still remember the shirt that Miranda had on and that she told everyone in the waiting room she was going to the bathroom. Man, I love my TT.
Almost a full day later, I got to see my sweet babies for the very first time. Since I had been on Oxygen due to a very low pulse/ox and had problems keeping my blood pressure down, I had not been able to see them yet. As Chris pushed me down the hall, I became full of so many emotions...joy, anxiety, nervousness and anticipation...I was about to meet my sweet babies for the very first time.
4 days later, my mom and I pulled away from the Hospital empty handed. There were no car seats or babies going home with me, and I struggled trying to realize it wasn't my fault. I cried, screamed and asked why all the way to my brother and sister in laws house where I would stay, since it was closer to the hospital. That night, I curled up and cried myself to sleep.
5 weeks later, my sweet Peanut decided to pull out her feeding tube and nipple all of her feeds, as well as pass her carseat test and sleep study test. She was ready to go home.
2 months after we had been in the hospital, Parker gave the carseat test a third go around and rocked it ! He was finally slowing down with his Brady's and increasing his feeds. He FINALLY was ready to leave, and we were going HOME as a FAMILY!
4th of July, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentines Day....
Surgeries, Ear infections, Illnesses....
A year.
365 days full of excitement, joy, tears, anxiety, stress, and pure happiness.
There have been times we didn't think we were going to make it financially, emotionally, spiritually, physically or remain sane. But we survived the Wild Ride of the 1st year with twins.
As we prepared for their Birthday Celebration, I fought back tears...my sweet miracle babies were growing up and it happend so fast. It didn't seem like 8760 hours...it seemed like 2 minutes.
Where did the time go and how did it happen so fast?
Parker got his first hair cut Friday night and within seconds he was transformed from a baby to a handsome little man. Payge is walking every which way and talking all the time (must take after her daddy LOL!!)
As the babies carried in palms today for Palm Sunday, emotions flooded me, and I felt God tug at my heart strings, without Him, my family and my awesome friends, I never would have survived these first 365 days or the many years leading up to us having a family. So sweet babies, you are more than blessings, you are miracles, lifesavers and my world.
Happy first 365 days! Here are many more seconds, minutes, hours, days, months and years to come! I love you!
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Molehills, Mountains, Milestones and Memories....ahhh
As I stayed home from work today with my two RSV babies, I began working on their 1st year Video. After organizing 1.6 billion photos, a strong emotion came over me and make me hit my kness praying. Thank you GOD...thank you for the molehills, the mountains, the milestones and the oh so many memories, and all after just 1 year.
Molehills:
Ear infections, strept throat, RSV, Moving, NICU for 3 weeks and PICU for 4 weeks, skull fractures, job changes, heel chord surgery, tubes placed in Payge's ears.....
Mountains: making not one, but 2 trips to Florida after losing "Santa," overcoming financial stress, allowing God to provide and take care of us during injuries, surgeries and illnesses, learning not to make "molehills into mountains"
Milestones: Parker finally passing a PT test!!, transitioning from braces, to casts to surgery to Dobbs braces and now only wearing them at night! Dad winning game #500 before resigning as the Lady Longhorn's Coach, Payge finally saying "mama," Uncle DJ FINALLY graduating college :)! From sitting up, to holding their own bottle, to signing, to eating solids, waving, talking, laughing, crusing, Payge taking her first steps....
Memories: Swimming at Fairfax Nanas house, photo shoots with Aunt Megan, shopping dates and the circus with TT, meeting and going to She-She's house for the very first time, Payge waving, Parker getting an IV for being dehydrated, going to Disney for Christmas, their screaming and terrified faces when they met Santa for the first time, sorting out their clothes as they seem to keep outgrowing everything, Pop's All State Game this summer, riding Cooper at Uncle Gary's house, Papa Smith humming and rocking Parker to sleep, picking out outfits for each holiday......
The lists for all of these just go on and on....
This first year has been full of ups and downs, bumps and bruises, tears and smiles, but it has been the most important year of my life. Yes I have been insanely busy, crazy stressed out and at times a tad bit overwhelmed....but as I compiled a video of just a mere 250 pictures....I can't help but smile, tear up a bit and close my eyes and whisper "Thank you God! Thank you for the molehills to help us face the mountains, for the bruises to make us stronger and for the memories and milestones that keep us going on..."
Sigh....I can't believe it has almost been a year.
A year since ....
I went in thinking I had the flu....
I spent a week in labor and wacked out on drugs trying to keep these babies from coming early
We spent many hours at ST JOHNS, worrying, stressing and praying for these babies....
Molehills will become what you make them.
Mountains can be moved.
Milestones will be reached.
Memories are made.
Molehills:
Ear infections, strept throat, RSV, Moving, NICU for 3 weeks and PICU for 4 weeks, skull fractures, job changes, heel chord surgery, tubes placed in Payge's ears.....
Mountains: making not one, but 2 trips to Florida after losing "Santa," overcoming financial stress, allowing God to provide and take care of us during injuries, surgeries and illnesses, learning not to make "molehills into mountains"
Milestones: Parker finally passing a PT test!!, transitioning from braces, to casts to surgery to Dobbs braces and now only wearing them at night! Dad winning game #500 before resigning as the Lady Longhorn's Coach, Payge finally saying "mama," Uncle DJ FINALLY graduating college :)! From sitting up, to holding their own bottle, to signing, to eating solids, waving, talking, laughing, crusing, Payge taking her first steps....
Memories: Swimming at Fairfax Nanas house, photo shoots with Aunt Megan, shopping dates and the circus with TT, meeting and going to She-She's house for the very first time, Payge waving, Parker getting an IV for being dehydrated, going to Disney for Christmas, their screaming and terrified faces when they met Santa for the first time, sorting out their clothes as they seem to keep outgrowing everything, Pop's All State Game this summer, riding Cooper at Uncle Gary's house, Papa Smith humming and rocking Parker to sleep, picking out outfits for each holiday......
The lists for all of these just go on and on....
This first year has been full of ups and downs, bumps and bruises, tears and smiles, but it has been the most important year of my life. Yes I have been insanely busy, crazy stressed out and at times a tad bit overwhelmed....but as I compiled a video of just a mere 250 pictures....I can't help but smile, tear up a bit and close my eyes and whisper "Thank you God! Thank you for the molehills to help us face the mountains, for the bruises to make us stronger and for the memories and milestones that keep us going on..."
Sigh....I can't believe it has almost been a year.
A year since ....
I went in thinking I had the flu....
I spent a week in labor and wacked out on drugs trying to keep these babies from coming early
We spent many hours at ST JOHNS, worrying, stressing and praying for these babies....
Molehills will become what you make them.
Mountains can be moved.
Milestones will be reached.
Memories are made.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Flying Time...
Where oh where does the time fly??!?
I have not been able to blog in several weeks...and I will tell you why.
My sweet little Payge experienced ear infection #5 and failed her hearing test, so we were referred to an ENT and had tubes put in last Friday. She had a rocky few days, but now is feeling much better. I can't believe the world of difference that it has already made.
Another time period has flown by quickly here at Hickory Hills....basketball season. This season is more important to us than many holidays and often birthdays. Dad's team was beat out last week and DJ's team is still battling thru the losers bracket into Area. This season has been great for the babies. Dad experienced win #500 on Valentine's Day this year and we were all there to experience it! What a huge milestone for an amazing man! Even though DJ's games occur after P2's bedtime, we have made it to a few games to support their silly uncle. Noting that the State Tournament is just a little over a week away, this season sure has flown by.
The babies are "cruising" and attempting to walk on their own. Payge took 3 steps last night before freaking out and falling down! Parker loves to hold your hand and walk around the living room. He recently had a check up at OU Medical with his surgeon, and got new braces. They were also concerned with a sitting position he does, so we went back to Summit Therapy, where he passed with flying colors.
This past weekend, I had a breakdown in Walgreen's while I was doing their First Birthday Invitations. I can't believe that in 5 weeks, my sweet babies will be 1 year old!
Where has the time gone??
Why do the good times seem to fly by??
It seems like only yesterday that I was looking out the back window, leaving the hospital, without my sweet babies. It seems like only last week that we finally made it HOME as a family. It seems like just the other day that we did the "right thing" for our family and moved back here. I know for a fact that it was just yesterday that they could hold their own bottle.....and now they are almost 1??!!?
I can't believe that it has been almost a year since I went in to labor, just 8 weeks early, and Miranda could have sworn I was having Braxton Hicks and insisted on taking me to Red Devil for Ice Cream! There is no way that we have already celebrated their First Easter, 4th of July, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Holy Cow! How did we already survive two trips to Florida, 2 surgeries, a skull fracture and several colds, coughs and ear infections???
Where did the time go?
Time flies.
Take each and every moment for what its worth and do not waste one second. Nothing is guarenteed or granted to you. God did not make any promises about time to you. Enjoy it. Live it. Love it.
Thank you God for making each and every minute of this past year, and the journey beforehand "enjoyable." Thank you family and friends for holding our hands, helping our hearts and hearing our prayers!
Time flies.....soak every minute of it up. Hang on for the ride. Take a deep breath.
I have not been able to blog in several weeks...and I will tell you why.
My sweet little Payge experienced ear infection #5 and failed her hearing test, so we were referred to an ENT and had tubes put in last Friday. She had a rocky few days, but now is feeling much better. I can't believe the world of difference that it has already made.
Another time period has flown by quickly here at Hickory Hills....basketball season. This season is more important to us than many holidays and often birthdays. Dad's team was beat out last week and DJ's team is still battling thru the losers bracket into Area. This season has been great for the babies. Dad experienced win #500 on Valentine's Day this year and we were all there to experience it! What a huge milestone for an amazing man! Even though DJ's games occur after P2's bedtime, we have made it to a few games to support their silly uncle. Noting that the State Tournament is just a little over a week away, this season sure has flown by.
The babies are "cruising" and attempting to walk on their own. Payge took 3 steps last night before freaking out and falling down! Parker loves to hold your hand and walk around the living room. He recently had a check up at OU Medical with his surgeon, and got new braces. They were also concerned with a sitting position he does, so we went back to Summit Therapy, where he passed with flying colors.
This past weekend, I had a breakdown in Walgreen's while I was doing their First Birthday Invitations. I can't believe that in 5 weeks, my sweet babies will be 1 year old!
Where has the time gone??
Why do the good times seem to fly by??
It seems like only yesterday that I was looking out the back window, leaving the hospital, without my sweet babies. It seems like only last week that we finally made it HOME as a family. It seems like just the other day that we did the "right thing" for our family and moved back here. I know for a fact that it was just yesterday that they could hold their own bottle.....and now they are almost 1??!!?
I can't believe that it has been almost a year since I went in to labor, just 8 weeks early, and Miranda could have sworn I was having Braxton Hicks and insisted on taking me to Red Devil for Ice Cream! There is no way that we have already celebrated their First Easter, 4th of July, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Holy Cow! How did we already survive two trips to Florida, 2 surgeries, a skull fracture and several colds, coughs and ear infections???
Where did the time go?
Time flies.
Take each and every moment for what its worth and do not waste one second. Nothing is guarenteed or granted to you. God did not make any promises about time to you. Enjoy it. Live it. Love it.
Thank you God for making each and every minute of this past year, and the journey beforehand "enjoyable." Thank you family and friends for holding our hands, helping our hearts and hearing our prayers!
Time flies.....soak every minute of it up. Hang on for the ride. Take a deep breath.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Finding Strength....
It has been almost 10 months since God placed P2 in our lives, but our journey with them and for them started way before that....
I can still recall the day that I had the surgey that would "help" us have children, the shots, the medications and finally the doctors appointment when my doctor told me she could no longer help me and that it was time to see a specialist. Chris was gone on a fishing trip that Spring Break, so of course my mom was with me. She comforted me, she consoled me, she lended me a shoulder to cry on. She helped me find my strength.
After many hours, many miles and many dollars we found out that we were going to become parents. Dreams come true. We found Parker's heartbeat around 8 weeks and then heard Payge's around 10-11 weeks. That is when it hit me. Our years of aching to be parents was now just a few months away. I cried, for joy, for happiness, for anxiety (for those of you who really know me, you know that I am a VERY anxious person). But once again, I found strength.
The invitro process was not kind to my body. At one point in time, I was up to 5 injections a day. Now, for a person who cries and looks away when they draw blood, this is painful. Luckily I have awesome friends in the medical field who taught Chris how to do the ones in my belly and thighs while they did the IM ones in my hips. It was hard. I recall a time during a softball game that I had to call time, run behind the dugout with Chris and let him stab me twice, then back onto the field (the drugs had to be given every so many hours). I had bruises, blood stained clothes. But, still somehow managed to find my strength.
When the babies surprised us all and ironically were born on April's Fools day, 7 weeks early, I was heartbroken. It took me several days to realize that they were going to be ok. When we first came home as a family, life was way harder than I thought was possible, and when Parker had to be put under and have surgery, I broke down. But when it was all said and done, I survived because I found strength.
Now, as we go back to sleepless nights due to colds, teething and interupted sleep patterns, we dig deep for our strength. We worry that we get frustrated, we cry because we are tired, we laugh to keep from screaming....but we will again, find our strength.
God has been through this journey with us from day one. He knew we would struggle, but welcome to reality. Life isn't all easy, breezy and full of "perfections." Life will certianly hand you a fair share of bumps, bruises and crushed hearts along the way, but God will never give your more than you can handle. He will find a way to fill you with strength, even when you feel like you are running on an empty tank.
This weekend God restored my strength. We had some beautiful weather and we were able to take the babies for a jog at the lake as well as play some on the playground. To hear them giggle while they are swinging or laugh while we race up the hill, is refreshing, and rewarding. Becoming and being a parent has not been the easiest journey for us right now, but it could be worse. I have never had a miscarriage, or loss a child due to death. I have been blessed with twins, even though it is hard at times, it is a blessing.
So God, thank you for renewing me. Thank you for every bump, bruise and tear along the way of this journey and thank you for the people you have placed in my life to help me find the strength and to remind me to turn to You when I feel that I am running low. Thank you for a husband who hears my worries, alternates night shifts and loves being a "adada" Thank you for friends who are just a phone call or text away. Thank you for a family who is an amazing support group and doesn't mind being our "village" in raising these two sweet babies. But God, THANK YOU for allowing me to turn to you, for helping me fight back the tears and for making my dream of wanting to be a mom come true.
Find strength. In all you do, find strength.
I can still recall the day that I had the surgey that would "help" us have children, the shots, the medications and finally the doctors appointment when my doctor told me she could no longer help me and that it was time to see a specialist. Chris was gone on a fishing trip that Spring Break, so of course my mom was with me. She comforted me, she consoled me, she lended me a shoulder to cry on. She helped me find my strength.
After many hours, many miles and many dollars we found out that we were going to become parents. Dreams come true. We found Parker's heartbeat around 8 weeks and then heard Payge's around 10-11 weeks. That is when it hit me. Our years of aching to be parents was now just a few months away. I cried, for joy, for happiness, for anxiety (for those of you who really know me, you know that I am a VERY anxious person). But once again, I found strength.
The invitro process was not kind to my body. At one point in time, I was up to 5 injections a day. Now, for a person who cries and looks away when they draw blood, this is painful. Luckily I have awesome friends in the medical field who taught Chris how to do the ones in my belly and thighs while they did the IM ones in my hips. It was hard. I recall a time during a softball game that I had to call time, run behind the dugout with Chris and let him stab me twice, then back onto the field (the drugs had to be given every so many hours). I had bruises, blood stained clothes. But, still somehow managed to find my strength.
When the babies surprised us all and ironically were born on April's Fools day, 7 weeks early, I was heartbroken. It took me several days to realize that they were going to be ok. When we first came home as a family, life was way harder than I thought was possible, and when Parker had to be put under and have surgery, I broke down. But when it was all said and done, I survived because I found strength.
Now, as we go back to sleepless nights due to colds, teething and interupted sleep patterns, we dig deep for our strength. We worry that we get frustrated, we cry because we are tired, we laugh to keep from screaming....but we will again, find our strength.
God has been through this journey with us from day one. He knew we would struggle, but welcome to reality. Life isn't all easy, breezy and full of "perfections." Life will certianly hand you a fair share of bumps, bruises and crushed hearts along the way, but God will never give your more than you can handle. He will find a way to fill you with strength, even when you feel like you are running on an empty tank.
This weekend God restored my strength. We had some beautiful weather and we were able to take the babies for a jog at the lake as well as play some on the playground. To hear them giggle while they are swinging or laugh while we race up the hill, is refreshing, and rewarding. Becoming and being a parent has not been the easiest journey for us right now, but it could be worse. I have never had a miscarriage, or loss a child due to death. I have been blessed with twins, even though it is hard at times, it is a blessing.
So God, thank you for renewing me. Thank you for every bump, bruise and tear along the way of this journey and thank you for the people you have placed in my life to help me find the strength and to remind me to turn to You when I feel that I am running low. Thank you for a husband who hears my worries, alternates night shifts and loves being a "adada" Thank you for friends who are just a phone call or text away. Thank you for a family who is an amazing support group and doesn't mind being our "village" in raising these two sweet babies. But God, THANK YOU for allowing me to turn to you, for helping me fight back the tears and for making my dream of wanting to be a mom come true.
Find strength. In all you do, find strength.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Therapy Session
Instead of paying $150 some odd bucks for therapy session, I figured I could blog.....
So for far warning, take what I type in stride and realize that even though I am fighting back tears of stress, I still am laughing on the inside and have a strong sense of humor....
I have many friends who have recently entered "Motherhood." I also have a select few of friends who have not quite yet had the "joy" of doing so. This can bring on some interesting conversations. Most of my "motherhood" friends are strong, amazing women who smile through it all. I have friends who are single moms, moms of multiples. struggling moms, stay at home moms, working moms, and some who are even Head Coaches of a sport or two. Phew. Praise mom's of all kind.
Many of you know that our journey to parenthood was a struggle. The way I see it, it could have been easier, but then again, it could have been harder. We were blessed with Parker and Payge and not a day goes by that I don't thank God for making me a Mom. But goodness gracious....why didn't someone tell me how hard it was going to be??? I, in all honesty, thought being a Mom was full of playing and laughing and cute dress up clothes. I had no idea that I would struggle, or even cry at times.
I have a good friend who is an amazing mom. She is actually one of the people I call about any concern I have. I have seen her stay up late with her son to play dinosaurs, or watch movies, wake up early with a fussy girl. I have seen her smile, laugh, enjoy. I didn't see what happend behind closed doors. I have another good friend who is a mom of 3 and has a set of twin boys. I called her while I locked myself in my bedroom and asked her if it was ok to cry? Not only did she laugh at me, she encouraged me to cry. She down right said that it was ok not to be supermom and to let the tears fall.
I have a fear. I fear that God will see my frustrations, my tears and think that I am ungrateful. I am far from ungrateful. I am often overwhelmed, but I love having twins. I fear that if I say "1 baby is easy" then God will think I can't handle it and something will happen to one of my sweet babies. A fear. A fear that I feel in my mind but know in my heart that luckily we don't serve a mean and evil God.
People often stop and ask us how life with twins is. My only reply, "interesting." Others have hurt my feelings by questioning why I keep my kiddos on a schedule, but not only do I do it for them, I do it for myself. I love the fact that if we are on schedule, they are down for the night no later than 7:45pm. I enjoy the fact that I know for a fact they will take a great morning nap and on the weekends I fully take advantage of it. But it seems like no sooner than I get one of strept throat or an ear infection, the next one is coming down with something. It never fails that I get one calmed down from pulling up and knocking their head on something, that the next one is screaming about being stuck under a table or something. Its endless. Its tiring. Its "interesting" to say the least.
So, welcome to "motherhood." Where a sense of humor can go a long ways. All your supermom's out there, lets band together. Pour yourself a glass of wine, lock the bedroom door, cry into your pillow....but never forget to Thank God for your sweet baby (or babies). Never forget that there is always someone to talk to, to calm you down or hear your cry.
Hang in there Mommies!!!
God Speed!
So for far warning, take what I type in stride and realize that even though I am fighting back tears of stress, I still am laughing on the inside and have a strong sense of humor....
I have many friends who have recently entered "Motherhood." I also have a select few of friends who have not quite yet had the "joy" of doing so. This can bring on some interesting conversations. Most of my "motherhood" friends are strong, amazing women who smile through it all. I have friends who are single moms, moms of multiples. struggling moms, stay at home moms, working moms, and some who are even Head Coaches of a sport or two. Phew. Praise mom's of all kind.
Many of you know that our journey to parenthood was a struggle. The way I see it, it could have been easier, but then again, it could have been harder. We were blessed with Parker and Payge and not a day goes by that I don't thank God for making me a Mom. But goodness gracious....why didn't someone tell me how hard it was going to be??? I, in all honesty, thought being a Mom was full of playing and laughing and cute dress up clothes. I had no idea that I would struggle, or even cry at times.
I have a good friend who is an amazing mom. She is actually one of the people I call about any concern I have. I have seen her stay up late with her son to play dinosaurs, or watch movies, wake up early with a fussy girl. I have seen her smile, laugh, enjoy. I didn't see what happend behind closed doors. I have another good friend who is a mom of 3 and has a set of twin boys. I called her while I locked myself in my bedroom and asked her if it was ok to cry? Not only did she laugh at me, she encouraged me to cry. She down right said that it was ok not to be supermom and to let the tears fall.
I have a fear. I fear that God will see my frustrations, my tears and think that I am ungrateful. I am far from ungrateful. I am often overwhelmed, but I love having twins. I fear that if I say "1 baby is easy" then God will think I can't handle it and something will happen to one of my sweet babies. A fear. A fear that I feel in my mind but know in my heart that luckily we don't serve a mean and evil God.
People often stop and ask us how life with twins is. My only reply, "interesting." Others have hurt my feelings by questioning why I keep my kiddos on a schedule, but not only do I do it for them, I do it for myself. I love the fact that if we are on schedule, they are down for the night no later than 7:45pm. I enjoy the fact that I know for a fact they will take a great morning nap and on the weekends I fully take advantage of it. But it seems like no sooner than I get one of strept throat or an ear infection, the next one is coming down with something. It never fails that I get one calmed down from pulling up and knocking their head on something, that the next one is screaming about being stuck under a table or something. Its endless. Its tiring. Its "interesting" to say the least.
So, welcome to "motherhood." Where a sense of humor can go a long ways. All your supermom's out there, lets band together. Pour yourself a glass of wine, lock the bedroom door, cry into your pillow....but never forget to Thank God for your sweet baby (or babies). Never forget that there is always someone to talk to, to calm you down or hear your cry.
Hang in there Mommies!!!
God Speed!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
2011...full of Hello's and Good-byes
Good-bye 2011
Good-bye sports car, coaching bag, home ownership
Good-bye best friend across the street, hourly wages, my basketball girls
Good-bye sleeping in and date nights.....
Good-bye Uncle Tom, Chris' great-Aunts, and other loved ones.....
2011 came and went with a bang. It was full of adventures, difficulties, trials, hardships, milestones, memories and the most life changing moment of all....I became a Mom!
This time last year, we had our "Nugget Reveal" party and which we found out that God had blessed us with a sweet baby boy and a precious baby girl. Wow. Twins. One of each. How could we not feel blessed?
Now our sweet little boy is crawling everywhere, pulling himself up and trying to take steps. He has his 2 bottom teeth and trying to get in his top ones. He has had surgery, cardio visits, casts, numerous trips to OU Children's Medical and now....strept throat. He is a trooper. He carries the "Dean" (named after my dad) name well.:)
My precious baby girl is now quite larger than her birthweight (which was 4 lbs 1 oz). She is a social butterfly and loves to wave. The smallest things excite her and she has a smile that can light up the room.
2011 brought us excitement, joy, tears and smiles.
Little did we know that we would get to experience the NICU and PICU at ST. John's Hospital for several weeks. Little did I know that my children would never meet the most famous "Santa" of all.
Ironically, my children were born on April Fool's Day. 4 years earlier, I played a prank on my dad, texting him "I'm pregnant!" He was so excited....until I told him that it was just an April Fool's joke. Ironic. When P2 was born, our lives changed. I traded in my coaching bag for a diaper bag, my sports car for a SUV, my early nights and late mornings for just the opposite. But they brought more than change. They brought joy, smiles, excitiement and often tears (some of joy....some not so much).
In 2011, our lives also changed when Chris was finally offerend a certified teaching position. Something we had both wanted, and needed, and prayed for for so long. We took the leap of faith 3 days before school started. We listed our home. Our first home that we loved such much. We left our friends, our community and our jobs. We patiently prayed and God answered. God provided us a place to stay (thank God for parents), 2 certified jobs (first time in 5 years) and a person to lease our home to. Change can often be good. We miss our friends, who became family. But we know that God has a great plan for us and this is just part of his plan.
In 2011, we lost many loved ones. One that I still have a hard time dealing with is my Uncle Tom. My "Santa" was beyond amazing, above great and full of love. He worked hard, smiled big and gave amazing hugs. When we got the news in June, we had only been home from the hospital for a short time, but there was no doubt in my mind that we need to make the journey to say our "see ya later" to him. We piled up the luggage and crammed into the truck to make the journey. It was rough. It was hard traveling with 4 month old twins for 22 hours in truck. It was hard seeing our gentle giant just lay in a hospital bed hooked up to so many machines. It was hard trying to find the "right words" to say to my aunt and cousins. The day we lost him, 4th of July, was a very hard day on the whole family. We ventured back down to Florida for Christmas 2011 to bond as a family to mourn him. Christmas was such a special time because of his role as Santa.He is deeply missed and never forgotten. RIP Santa.
In 2011, we experienced change, loss, joy, heartache, confussion and so much more. But in all, God took care of us. He provided for us. He showed us the way when it was too dark for us to see.
As the babies are now only 3 short months to their 1st birthday, I can only hope and pray that God will continue to bless us, support us and encourage us.
So Hello 2012
Hello diaper bags, Mom mobiles, new opportunities
Hello long distance friendships, long nights, and lack of sleep...
2012...we welcome you and we continue to count our blessings, pray our prayers and smile through it all.
2012, I pray that you bring strength when we cannot seem to find it, healing for the wounded and heartbroken and joy to those who need it.
Good-bye sports car, coaching bag, home ownership
Good-bye best friend across the street, hourly wages, my basketball girls
Good-bye sleeping in and date nights.....
Good-bye Uncle Tom, Chris' great-Aunts, and other loved ones.....
2011 came and went with a bang. It was full of adventures, difficulties, trials, hardships, milestones, memories and the most life changing moment of all....I became a Mom!
This time last year, we had our "Nugget Reveal" party and which we found out that God had blessed us with a sweet baby boy and a precious baby girl. Wow. Twins. One of each. How could we not feel blessed?
Now our sweet little boy is crawling everywhere, pulling himself up and trying to take steps. He has his 2 bottom teeth and trying to get in his top ones. He has had surgery, cardio visits, casts, numerous trips to OU Children's Medical and now....strept throat. He is a trooper. He carries the "Dean" (named after my dad) name well.:)
My precious baby girl is now quite larger than her birthweight (which was 4 lbs 1 oz). She is a social butterfly and loves to wave. The smallest things excite her and she has a smile that can light up the room.
2011 brought us excitement, joy, tears and smiles.
Little did we know that we would get to experience the NICU and PICU at ST. John's Hospital for several weeks. Little did I know that my children would never meet the most famous "Santa" of all.
Ironically, my children were born on April Fool's Day. 4 years earlier, I played a prank on my dad, texting him "I'm pregnant!" He was so excited....until I told him that it was just an April Fool's joke. Ironic. When P2 was born, our lives changed. I traded in my coaching bag for a diaper bag, my sports car for a SUV, my early nights and late mornings for just the opposite. But they brought more than change. They brought joy, smiles, excitiement and often tears (some of joy....some not so much).
In 2011, our lives also changed when Chris was finally offerend a certified teaching position. Something we had both wanted, and needed, and prayed for for so long. We took the leap of faith 3 days before school started. We listed our home. Our first home that we loved such much. We left our friends, our community and our jobs. We patiently prayed and God answered. God provided us a place to stay (thank God for parents), 2 certified jobs (first time in 5 years) and a person to lease our home to. Change can often be good. We miss our friends, who became family. But we know that God has a great plan for us and this is just part of his plan.
In 2011, we lost many loved ones. One that I still have a hard time dealing with is my Uncle Tom. My "Santa" was beyond amazing, above great and full of love. He worked hard, smiled big and gave amazing hugs. When we got the news in June, we had only been home from the hospital for a short time, but there was no doubt in my mind that we need to make the journey to say our "see ya later" to him. We piled up the luggage and crammed into the truck to make the journey. It was rough. It was hard traveling with 4 month old twins for 22 hours in truck. It was hard seeing our gentle giant just lay in a hospital bed hooked up to so many machines. It was hard trying to find the "right words" to say to my aunt and cousins. The day we lost him, 4th of July, was a very hard day on the whole family. We ventured back down to Florida for Christmas 2011 to bond as a family to mourn him. Christmas was such a special time because of his role as Santa.He is deeply missed and never forgotten. RIP Santa.
In 2011, we experienced change, loss, joy, heartache, confussion and so much more. But in all, God took care of us. He provided for us. He showed us the way when it was too dark for us to see.
As the babies are now only 3 short months to their 1st birthday, I can only hope and pray that God will continue to bless us, support us and encourage us.
So Hello 2012
Hello diaper bags, Mom mobiles, new opportunities
Hello long distance friendships, long nights, and lack of sleep...
2012...we welcome you and we continue to count our blessings, pray our prayers and smile through it all.
2012, I pray that you bring strength when we cannot seem to find it, healing for the wounded and heartbroken and joy to those who need it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)