It has been almost 10 months since God placed P2 in our lives, but our journey with them and for them started way before that....
I can still recall the day that I had the surgey that would "help" us have children, the shots, the medications and finally the doctors appointment when my doctor told me she could no longer help me and that it was time to see a specialist. Chris was gone on a fishing trip that Spring Break, so of course my mom was with me. She comforted me, she consoled me, she lended me a shoulder to cry on. She helped me find my strength.
After many hours, many miles and many dollars we found out that we were going to become parents. Dreams come true. We found Parker's heartbeat around 8 weeks and then heard Payge's around 10-11 weeks. That is when it hit me. Our years of aching to be parents was now just a few months away. I cried, for joy, for happiness, for anxiety (for those of you who really know me, you know that I am a VERY anxious person). But once again, I found strength.
The invitro process was not kind to my body. At one point in time, I was up to 5 injections a day. Now, for a person who cries and looks away when they draw blood, this is painful. Luckily I have awesome friends in the medical field who taught Chris how to do the ones in my belly and thighs while they did the IM ones in my hips. It was hard. I recall a time during a softball game that I had to call time, run behind the dugout with Chris and let him stab me twice, then back onto the field (the drugs had to be given every so many hours). I had bruises, blood stained clothes. But, still somehow managed to find my strength.
When the babies surprised us all and ironically were born on April's Fools day, 7 weeks early, I was heartbroken. It took me several days to realize that they were going to be ok. When we first came home as a family, life was way harder than I thought was possible, and when Parker had to be put under and have surgery, I broke down. But when it was all said and done, I survived because I found strength.
Now, as we go back to sleepless nights due to colds, teething and interupted sleep patterns, we dig deep for our strength. We worry that we get frustrated, we cry because we are tired, we laugh to keep from screaming....but we will again, find our strength.
God has been through this journey with us from day one. He knew we would struggle, but welcome to reality. Life isn't all easy, breezy and full of "perfections." Life will certianly hand you a fair share of bumps, bruises and crushed hearts along the way, but God will never give your more than you can handle. He will find a way to fill you with strength, even when you feel like you are running on an empty tank.
This weekend God restored my strength. We had some beautiful weather and we were able to take the babies for a jog at the lake as well as play some on the playground. To hear them giggle while they are swinging or laugh while we race up the hill, is refreshing, and rewarding. Becoming and being a parent has not been the easiest journey for us right now, but it could be worse. I have never had a miscarriage, or loss a child due to death. I have been blessed with twins, even though it is hard at times, it is a blessing.
So God, thank you for renewing me. Thank you for every bump, bruise and tear along the way of this journey and thank you for the people you have placed in my life to help me find the strength and to remind me to turn to You when I feel that I am running low. Thank you for a husband who hears my worries, alternates night shifts and loves being a "adada" Thank you for friends who are just a phone call or text away. Thank you for a family who is an amazing support group and doesn't mind being our "village" in raising these two sweet babies. But God, THANK YOU for allowing me to turn to you, for helping me fight back the tears and for making my dream of wanting to be a mom come true.
Find strength. In all you do, find strength.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Therapy Session
Instead of paying $150 some odd bucks for therapy session, I figured I could blog.....
So for far warning, take what I type in stride and realize that even though I am fighting back tears of stress, I still am laughing on the inside and have a strong sense of humor....
I have many friends who have recently entered "Motherhood." I also have a select few of friends who have not quite yet had the "joy" of doing so. This can bring on some interesting conversations. Most of my "motherhood" friends are strong, amazing women who smile through it all. I have friends who are single moms, moms of multiples. struggling moms, stay at home moms, working moms, and some who are even Head Coaches of a sport or two. Phew. Praise mom's of all kind.
Many of you know that our journey to parenthood was a struggle. The way I see it, it could have been easier, but then again, it could have been harder. We were blessed with Parker and Payge and not a day goes by that I don't thank God for making me a Mom. But goodness gracious....why didn't someone tell me how hard it was going to be??? I, in all honesty, thought being a Mom was full of playing and laughing and cute dress up clothes. I had no idea that I would struggle, or even cry at times.
I have a good friend who is an amazing mom. She is actually one of the people I call about any concern I have. I have seen her stay up late with her son to play dinosaurs, or watch movies, wake up early with a fussy girl. I have seen her smile, laugh, enjoy. I didn't see what happend behind closed doors. I have another good friend who is a mom of 3 and has a set of twin boys. I called her while I locked myself in my bedroom and asked her if it was ok to cry? Not only did she laugh at me, she encouraged me to cry. She down right said that it was ok not to be supermom and to let the tears fall.
I have a fear. I fear that God will see my frustrations, my tears and think that I am ungrateful. I am far from ungrateful. I am often overwhelmed, but I love having twins. I fear that if I say "1 baby is easy" then God will think I can't handle it and something will happen to one of my sweet babies. A fear. A fear that I feel in my mind but know in my heart that luckily we don't serve a mean and evil God.
People often stop and ask us how life with twins is. My only reply, "interesting." Others have hurt my feelings by questioning why I keep my kiddos on a schedule, but not only do I do it for them, I do it for myself. I love the fact that if we are on schedule, they are down for the night no later than 7:45pm. I enjoy the fact that I know for a fact they will take a great morning nap and on the weekends I fully take advantage of it. But it seems like no sooner than I get one of strept throat or an ear infection, the next one is coming down with something. It never fails that I get one calmed down from pulling up and knocking their head on something, that the next one is screaming about being stuck under a table or something. Its endless. Its tiring. Its "interesting" to say the least.
So, welcome to "motherhood." Where a sense of humor can go a long ways. All your supermom's out there, lets band together. Pour yourself a glass of wine, lock the bedroom door, cry into your pillow....but never forget to Thank God for your sweet baby (or babies). Never forget that there is always someone to talk to, to calm you down or hear your cry.
Hang in there Mommies!!!
God Speed!
So for far warning, take what I type in stride and realize that even though I am fighting back tears of stress, I still am laughing on the inside and have a strong sense of humor....
I have many friends who have recently entered "Motherhood." I also have a select few of friends who have not quite yet had the "joy" of doing so. This can bring on some interesting conversations. Most of my "motherhood" friends are strong, amazing women who smile through it all. I have friends who are single moms, moms of multiples. struggling moms, stay at home moms, working moms, and some who are even Head Coaches of a sport or two. Phew. Praise mom's of all kind.
Many of you know that our journey to parenthood was a struggle. The way I see it, it could have been easier, but then again, it could have been harder. We were blessed with Parker and Payge and not a day goes by that I don't thank God for making me a Mom. But goodness gracious....why didn't someone tell me how hard it was going to be??? I, in all honesty, thought being a Mom was full of playing and laughing and cute dress up clothes. I had no idea that I would struggle, or even cry at times.
I have a good friend who is an amazing mom. She is actually one of the people I call about any concern I have. I have seen her stay up late with her son to play dinosaurs, or watch movies, wake up early with a fussy girl. I have seen her smile, laugh, enjoy. I didn't see what happend behind closed doors. I have another good friend who is a mom of 3 and has a set of twin boys. I called her while I locked myself in my bedroom and asked her if it was ok to cry? Not only did she laugh at me, she encouraged me to cry. She down right said that it was ok not to be supermom and to let the tears fall.
I have a fear. I fear that God will see my frustrations, my tears and think that I am ungrateful. I am far from ungrateful. I am often overwhelmed, but I love having twins. I fear that if I say "1 baby is easy" then God will think I can't handle it and something will happen to one of my sweet babies. A fear. A fear that I feel in my mind but know in my heart that luckily we don't serve a mean and evil God.
People often stop and ask us how life with twins is. My only reply, "interesting." Others have hurt my feelings by questioning why I keep my kiddos on a schedule, but not only do I do it for them, I do it for myself. I love the fact that if we are on schedule, they are down for the night no later than 7:45pm. I enjoy the fact that I know for a fact they will take a great morning nap and on the weekends I fully take advantage of it. But it seems like no sooner than I get one of strept throat or an ear infection, the next one is coming down with something. It never fails that I get one calmed down from pulling up and knocking their head on something, that the next one is screaming about being stuck under a table or something. Its endless. Its tiring. Its "interesting" to say the least.
So, welcome to "motherhood." Where a sense of humor can go a long ways. All your supermom's out there, lets band together. Pour yourself a glass of wine, lock the bedroom door, cry into your pillow....but never forget to Thank God for your sweet baby (or babies). Never forget that there is always someone to talk to, to calm you down or hear your cry.
Hang in there Mommies!!!
God Speed!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
2011...full of Hello's and Good-byes
Good-bye 2011
Good-bye sports car, coaching bag, home ownership
Good-bye best friend across the street, hourly wages, my basketball girls
Good-bye sleeping in and date nights.....
Good-bye Uncle Tom, Chris' great-Aunts, and other loved ones.....
2011 came and went with a bang. It was full of adventures, difficulties, trials, hardships, milestones, memories and the most life changing moment of all....I became a Mom!
This time last year, we had our "Nugget Reveal" party and which we found out that God had blessed us with a sweet baby boy and a precious baby girl. Wow. Twins. One of each. How could we not feel blessed?
Now our sweet little boy is crawling everywhere, pulling himself up and trying to take steps. He has his 2 bottom teeth and trying to get in his top ones. He has had surgery, cardio visits, casts, numerous trips to OU Children's Medical and now....strept throat. He is a trooper. He carries the "Dean" (named after my dad) name well.:)
My precious baby girl is now quite larger than her birthweight (which was 4 lbs 1 oz). She is a social butterfly and loves to wave. The smallest things excite her and she has a smile that can light up the room.
2011 brought us excitement, joy, tears and smiles.
Little did we know that we would get to experience the NICU and PICU at ST. John's Hospital for several weeks. Little did I know that my children would never meet the most famous "Santa" of all.
Ironically, my children were born on April Fool's Day. 4 years earlier, I played a prank on my dad, texting him "I'm pregnant!" He was so excited....until I told him that it was just an April Fool's joke. Ironic. When P2 was born, our lives changed. I traded in my coaching bag for a diaper bag, my sports car for a SUV, my early nights and late mornings for just the opposite. But they brought more than change. They brought joy, smiles, excitiement and often tears (some of joy....some not so much).
In 2011, our lives also changed when Chris was finally offerend a certified teaching position. Something we had both wanted, and needed, and prayed for for so long. We took the leap of faith 3 days before school started. We listed our home. Our first home that we loved such much. We left our friends, our community and our jobs. We patiently prayed and God answered. God provided us a place to stay (thank God for parents), 2 certified jobs (first time in 5 years) and a person to lease our home to. Change can often be good. We miss our friends, who became family. But we know that God has a great plan for us and this is just part of his plan.
In 2011, we lost many loved ones. One that I still have a hard time dealing with is my Uncle Tom. My "Santa" was beyond amazing, above great and full of love. He worked hard, smiled big and gave amazing hugs. When we got the news in June, we had only been home from the hospital for a short time, but there was no doubt in my mind that we need to make the journey to say our "see ya later" to him. We piled up the luggage and crammed into the truck to make the journey. It was rough. It was hard traveling with 4 month old twins for 22 hours in truck. It was hard seeing our gentle giant just lay in a hospital bed hooked up to so many machines. It was hard trying to find the "right words" to say to my aunt and cousins. The day we lost him, 4th of July, was a very hard day on the whole family. We ventured back down to Florida for Christmas 2011 to bond as a family to mourn him. Christmas was such a special time because of his role as Santa.He is deeply missed and never forgotten. RIP Santa.
In 2011, we experienced change, loss, joy, heartache, confussion and so much more. But in all, God took care of us. He provided for us. He showed us the way when it was too dark for us to see.
As the babies are now only 3 short months to their 1st birthday, I can only hope and pray that God will continue to bless us, support us and encourage us.
So Hello 2012
Hello diaper bags, Mom mobiles, new opportunities
Hello long distance friendships, long nights, and lack of sleep...
2012...we welcome you and we continue to count our blessings, pray our prayers and smile through it all.
2012, I pray that you bring strength when we cannot seem to find it, healing for the wounded and heartbroken and joy to those who need it.
Good-bye sports car, coaching bag, home ownership
Good-bye best friend across the street, hourly wages, my basketball girls
Good-bye sleeping in and date nights.....
Good-bye Uncle Tom, Chris' great-Aunts, and other loved ones.....
2011 came and went with a bang. It was full of adventures, difficulties, trials, hardships, milestones, memories and the most life changing moment of all....I became a Mom!
This time last year, we had our "Nugget Reveal" party and which we found out that God had blessed us with a sweet baby boy and a precious baby girl. Wow. Twins. One of each. How could we not feel blessed?
Now our sweet little boy is crawling everywhere, pulling himself up and trying to take steps. He has his 2 bottom teeth and trying to get in his top ones. He has had surgery, cardio visits, casts, numerous trips to OU Children's Medical and now....strept throat. He is a trooper. He carries the "Dean" (named after my dad) name well.:)
My precious baby girl is now quite larger than her birthweight (which was 4 lbs 1 oz). She is a social butterfly and loves to wave. The smallest things excite her and she has a smile that can light up the room.
2011 brought us excitement, joy, tears and smiles.
Little did we know that we would get to experience the NICU and PICU at ST. John's Hospital for several weeks. Little did I know that my children would never meet the most famous "Santa" of all.
Ironically, my children were born on April Fool's Day. 4 years earlier, I played a prank on my dad, texting him "I'm pregnant!" He was so excited....until I told him that it was just an April Fool's joke. Ironic. When P2 was born, our lives changed. I traded in my coaching bag for a diaper bag, my sports car for a SUV, my early nights and late mornings for just the opposite. But they brought more than change. They brought joy, smiles, excitiement and often tears (some of joy....some not so much).
In 2011, our lives also changed when Chris was finally offerend a certified teaching position. Something we had both wanted, and needed, and prayed for for so long. We took the leap of faith 3 days before school started. We listed our home. Our first home that we loved such much. We left our friends, our community and our jobs. We patiently prayed and God answered. God provided us a place to stay (thank God for parents), 2 certified jobs (first time in 5 years) and a person to lease our home to. Change can often be good. We miss our friends, who became family. But we know that God has a great plan for us and this is just part of his plan.
In 2011, we lost many loved ones. One that I still have a hard time dealing with is my Uncle Tom. My "Santa" was beyond amazing, above great and full of love. He worked hard, smiled big and gave amazing hugs. When we got the news in June, we had only been home from the hospital for a short time, but there was no doubt in my mind that we need to make the journey to say our "see ya later" to him. We piled up the luggage and crammed into the truck to make the journey. It was rough. It was hard traveling with 4 month old twins for 22 hours in truck. It was hard seeing our gentle giant just lay in a hospital bed hooked up to so many machines. It was hard trying to find the "right words" to say to my aunt and cousins. The day we lost him, 4th of July, was a very hard day on the whole family. We ventured back down to Florida for Christmas 2011 to bond as a family to mourn him. Christmas was such a special time because of his role as Santa.He is deeply missed and never forgotten. RIP Santa.
In 2011, we experienced change, loss, joy, heartache, confussion and so much more. But in all, God took care of us. He provided for us. He showed us the way when it was too dark for us to see.
As the babies are now only 3 short months to their 1st birthday, I can only hope and pray that God will continue to bless us, support us and encourage us.
So Hello 2012
Hello diaper bags, Mom mobiles, new opportunities
Hello long distance friendships, long nights, and lack of sleep...
2012...we welcome you and we continue to count our blessings, pray our prayers and smile through it all.
2012, I pray that you bring strength when we cannot seem to find it, healing for the wounded and heartbroken and joy to those who need it.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
First Thanksgiving....
Where has the time gone? Since April 1, time has flown by. We have celebrated Easter, Memorial Day, 4th of July, Halloween and now P2 first Thanksgiving. Our family doesn't have much of a Thankgiving Tradition. The past 2 years, Chris' has been at football practice helping prepare a team for the Play-Offs. Half of our family is 1300 miles away and they celebrate at my Aunt's house in Orlando, so we have usually been divided on Thanksgiving, with some going one way while other's head a different direction. I am thankful, however, that my mom has always been flexable and understanding and prepared a Thanksgiving meal on a day which works best for everyone. She never complains about having to fix the turkey by herself ( I have NO desire to learn or help prepare a turkey, not in my blood I suppose) but she does like it when we help with the pies and tarts.
This year, God has taught us to be thankful for so much, even the little things. For years we tried to have children, and then we were blessed with 2 babies, who were born prematurely. But we were thankful. We were thankful because even though we spent weeks in the NICU and PICU, we met wonderful nurses, had an amazing support system and our babies were healthy, so much stronger than others. Thankful. When we took the leap of Faith and moved back "home" without us both having jobs, we were scared, worried. But as we waited patiently, God provided for us. We went months without a paycheck, but thankfully we now have 2, full time, certified jobs. Grateful. We were concerned with leaving our wonderful friends behind, and even though no one can ever replace them, we have learned to reach out of our comfort zone and meet several new people. Blessed. Worried about not having someone to leave P2 with during the days mom had to work was a major hardship for us. I do not like leaving them. I worry, stress, overanalyze. But God had His hand in our lives and showed us the way to an amazing sitter who knows my fears. Wowed.
Be Thankful.
God works even in the smallest of ways.
Be Thankful that you:
-Have family who loves you
-have a HOME
-have babies who want to snuggle
- have a car that gets you from point A to point B
-have a mom (or aunt) prepares the Turkey for your feast
-have a husband who has had the opportunity to coach and be involved in successful programs
Be thankful for your "Haves" and don't worry about your "have not's
Be Thankful. Count your blessings.
This year, God has taught us to be thankful for so much, even the little things. For years we tried to have children, and then we were blessed with 2 babies, who were born prematurely. But we were thankful. We were thankful because even though we spent weeks in the NICU and PICU, we met wonderful nurses, had an amazing support system and our babies were healthy, so much stronger than others. Thankful. When we took the leap of Faith and moved back "home" without us both having jobs, we were scared, worried. But as we waited patiently, God provided for us. We went months without a paycheck, but thankfully we now have 2, full time, certified jobs. Grateful. We were concerned with leaving our wonderful friends behind, and even though no one can ever replace them, we have learned to reach out of our comfort zone and meet several new people. Blessed. Worried about not having someone to leave P2 with during the days mom had to work was a major hardship for us. I do not like leaving them. I worry, stress, overanalyze. But God had His hand in our lives and showed us the way to an amazing sitter who knows my fears. Wowed.
Be Thankful.
God works even in the smallest of ways.
Be Thankful that you:
-Have family who loves you
-have a HOME
-have babies who want to snuggle
- have a car that gets you from point A to point B
-have a mom (or aunt) prepares the Turkey for your feast
-have a husband who has had the opportunity to coach and be involved in successful programs
Be thankful for your "Haves" and don't worry about your "have not's
Be Thankful. Count your blessings.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Falling Down....
Growing up, I was possibly the most uncordinated, clumsiest, ungraceful "athlete" you could come across. I could shoot a jumpshot, invented the "Ott Flop" and go 98% from the freethrow but I would be the one that fell in the lunch line, tripped over the imaginary line or fell out of my seat. Being coordinated (with the exception of hand/eye coordination at the plate) was not something I was blessed with. I often got bruises or skinned up knees for falling down.
Recently, I have been doing alot of falling. Falling as a person, struggling in a new workplace, failing as a wife and friend.....but gone are the skinned up knees and bruises. Hello crushed heart and devestated ego. Welcome to a life of uncertianty, uncoordination. Being new to a workplace in the middle of the year is a huge transition. Going from a fit, athletic body to a "I JUST had twins" body is confidence breaking. Transitioning from a Head coach to just being a 2nd grade teacher is ego altering.
It seems like my dreams have been falling apart and I am left with a tired, broken heart, mind and spirit. But then I remember I am not alone. I have someone who loves me, even with my mom jeans and teacher voice. I often forget that God made me a promise, a promise that He would always be with me. That even when I fall, time and time again, God is there, patiently waiting to help me off the ground and shake the dirt off.
Too often, it seems as if we have to fall "one too many times" before we remember to look up. To look up for the hope that we need, or for the peace we need to refill us and help us realize that we can do it and with each and every fall we become a little stronger....or in my case, more stubborn.
I know I will continue to stumble and fall, but deep down inside I know that what doesn't break me, only makes me stronger. I will not let the falls get me down. I will not let the falls break my spirit. I will not let the falls tire me or allow me to grow weary. Next time I fall, instead of looking around to see what caused it, I will look up and see God patiently sticking His hand out to me once again.....
Recently, I have been doing alot of falling. Falling as a person, struggling in a new workplace, failing as a wife and friend.....but gone are the skinned up knees and bruises. Hello crushed heart and devestated ego. Welcome to a life of uncertianty, uncoordination. Being new to a workplace in the middle of the year is a huge transition. Going from a fit, athletic body to a "I JUST had twins" body is confidence breaking. Transitioning from a Head coach to just being a 2nd grade teacher is ego altering.
It seems like my dreams have been falling apart and I am left with a tired, broken heart, mind and spirit. But then I remember I am not alone. I have someone who loves me, even with my mom jeans and teacher voice. I often forget that God made me a promise, a promise that He would always be with me. That even when I fall, time and time again, God is there, patiently waiting to help me off the ground and shake the dirt off.
Too often, it seems as if we have to fall "one too many times" before we remember to look up. To look up for the hope that we need, or for the peace we need to refill us and help us realize that we can do it and with each and every fall we become a little stronger....or in my case, more stubborn.
I know I will continue to stumble and fall, but deep down inside I know that what doesn't break me, only makes me stronger. I will not let the falls get me down. I will not let the falls break my spirit. I will not let the falls tire me or allow me to grow weary. Next time I fall, instead of looking around to see what caused it, I will look up and see God patiently sticking His hand out to me once again.....
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Sir Parker Son
Dear Sweet Parker:
You love to snuggle and rock with your Pop. Your smile and laugh light up my heart and world. I cry every night we put on your Dobbs braces but I smile because I have seen such progress. Your teething process equals sleepless nights for us all, but I enjoy the moments we get to cuddle or when you reach up for me. The day you were born, you didn't breath on your own, and when the doctor told me about your feet, I felt like I had done something wrong. I cried for you, I hurt for you....you are my sweet little boy. My sweet 4lb little boy who now wears high water pants because in order for them to fit you in your tiny waist, they reach your shins. The day we first got you casted, I cried. I ached for you. But you are strong. You are so strong they had to put a stage 3 plaster on your cast because you would kick and kick. I hated holding you down. I hated finding out you had to have surgery. I prayed and prayed and prayed. Prayed that you would be ok. I prayed that I would be ok. God knew.God knew we would make it through Sir. God has been with us every step of the way. Through endless carseat tests, to cardiologist appointments, surgery, and now on to PT appointments, God has been with us every step of the way. God is in my heart sweet boy and I can only pray that I can one day instill Him in yours. You are now endlessly trying to catch up with your sister but you are more content to play in your bouncer or sit up by yourself and play with your rattle or football. You don't like to sleep in your crib unless you have your seahorse and "tig tig". But you are my sweet boy. Its ironic how much you look like Conner, with your light hair and ocean blue eyes. Its side splitting how much you laugh at your silly Pop and painful how good your grip is (especially when you pull my hair out in clumps!) I love you Sir Dean. I have many hopes and dreams for you. I still hurt for you, but as my prayers for you continue always,the pain slowly slips away and my heart is filled with joy, love and dreams for you.
I love ya big guy!
Love MaMaMaMa
You love to snuggle and rock with your Pop. Your smile and laugh light up my heart and world. I cry every night we put on your Dobbs braces but I smile because I have seen such progress. Your teething process equals sleepless nights for us all, but I enjoy the moments we get to cuddle or when you reach up for me. The day you were born, you didn't breath on your own, and when the doctor told me about your feet, I felt like I had done something wrong. I cried for you, I hurt for you....you are my sweet little boy. My sweet 4lb little boy who now wears high water pants because in order for them to fit you in your tiny waist, they reach your shins. The day we first got you casted, I cried. I ached for you. But you are strong. You are so strong they had to put a stage 3 plaster on your cast because you would kick and kick. I hated holding you down. I hated finding out you had to have surgery. I prayed and prayed and prayed. Prayed that you would be ok. I prayed that I would be ok. God knew.God knew we would make it through Sir. God has been with us every step of the way. Through endless carseat tests, to cardiologist appointments, surgery, and now on to PT appointments, God has been with us every step of the way. God is in my heart sweet boy and I can only pray that I can one day instill Him in yours. You are now endlessly trying to catch up with your sister but you are more content to play in your bouncer or sit up by yourself and play with your rattle or football. You don't like to sleep in your crib unless you have your seahorse and "tig tig". But you are my sweet boy. Its ironic how much you look like Conner, with your light hair and ocean blue eyes. Its side splitting how much you laugh at your silly Pop and painful how good your grip is (especially when you pull my hair out in clumps!) I love you Sir Dean. I have many hopes and dreams for you. I still hurt for you, but as my prayers for you continue always,the pain slowly slips away and my heart is filled with joy, love and dreams for you.
I love ya big guy!
Love MaMaMaMa
Monday, November 7, 2011
Paygie Girl
"Paygie Girl, don't you know that I love you....."
(song lyrics stolen from EYB, adjusted by Dede and myself...)
My sweet sweet Payge Elizabeth,
you are 7 months old and "crawling" all over. You bang your head on tile floors, tv stands and baby equipment. You shrill like a dinosaur and giggle at my dancing. You love to swim in the bathtub and kick your legs like a little froggie. I will never forget the day I saw you, how worried I was when you wouldn't take a bottle and you kept spitting up, your precious purple and brown preemie onsie you wore in the hospital, how I cried because I didn't think you liked me, how annoyed you got when your brothers monitors kept going off, the day you pulled the feeding tube out and took a whole bottle so you could come home! I never want to relive the night you were hit in the head with a softball or when we had to hold you down for your CT scan. I love dressing you up, how active you are and that your eyebrows and stork bite get bright red when you are upset! I love you Paygie girl. I never thought I could handle a daughter, a girl...a girlie girl at that. But my heart melts everytime I hold you, or when you let me rock you or how you scream when I leave the room. I love you Paygie girl, and I never knew this kind of love before. You are a stinker, which makes you your momma's girl. :) You love your fruits, veggies, bottle...well you love food! You love squirming all over the place and you love your DeDe. You get a kick out of watching Pop singing and dancing for you and you even try to join in. But Payge, please never forget how much I love you. Please always remember that I prayed for you, before I even met you, and that I continue to pray and pray and pray for you. I pray that I can instill God and faith in your heart like DeDe did for me. I pray that you won't date or even like boys until your are 35. I pray that you will avoid HS drama and just play sports (or be in the band *sigh) and that you put 110% in everything you do. I pray that you have awesome friends like momma does and that you will never think my dancing or singing are "lame." I love you Paygie girl....Momma loves you and I thank God several times a day for blessing me with a sweet precious beautiful little girl. Thank you. Thank you Peanut for completing my world.
Love,
your mommy
(song lyrics stolen from EYB, adjusted by Dede and myself...)
My sweet sweet Payge Elizabeth,
you are 7 months old and "crawling" all over. You bang your head on tile floors, tv stands and baby equipment. You shrill like a dinosaur and giggle at my dancing. You love to swim in the bathtub and kick your legs like a little froggie. I will never forget the day I saw you, how worried I was when you wouldn't take a bottle and you kept spitting up, your precious purple and brown preemie onsie you wore in the hospital, how I cried because I didn't think you liked me, how annoyed you got when your brothers monitors kept going off, the day you pulled the feeding tube out and took a whole bottle so you could come home! I never want to relive the night you were hit in the head with a softball or when we had to hold you down for your CT scan. I love dressing you up, how active you are and that your eyebrows and stork bite get bright red when you are upset! I love you Paygie girl. I never thought I could handle a daughter, a girl...a girlie girl at that. But my heart melts everytime I hold you, or when you let me rock you or how you scream when I leave the room. I love you Paygie girl, and I never knew this kind of love before. You are a stinker, which makes you your momma's girl. :) You love your fruits, veggies, bottle...well you love food! You love squirming all over the place and you love your DeDe. You get a kick out of watching Pop singing and dancing for you and you even try to join in. But Payge, please never forget how much I love you. Please always remember that I prayed for you, before I even met you, and that I continue to pray and pray and pray for you. I pray that I can instill God and faith in your heart like DeDe did for me. I pray that you won't date or even like boys until your are 35. I pray that you will avoid HS drama and just play sports (or be in the band *sigh) and that you put 110% in everything you do. I pray that you have awesome friends like momma does and that you will never think my dancing or singing are "lame." I love you Paygie girl....Momma loves you and I thank God several times a day for blessing me with a sweet precious beautiful little girl. Thank you. Thank you Peanut for completing my world.
Love,
your mommy
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